Just to move on from these, I am going to post the final lessons. My comments in italics.

Lesson 8
1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.
You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.
This does not end at nine months and as I previously posted, with a son that doesn’t want to eat this has become a real challenge. When he was younger I think I even invented a few new sounds and noises to try and engage him in eating.

Lesson 9
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you’re thinking What’s ‘Noggin’?) Exactly the point.
I think both my Joe and I (probably more Joe) can name every program on Noggin. From Pinky Dinky Do to Wow, Wow Wubzy (Colt’s favorite) to Franklin to Little Bill. And it is sad to say that I have often found myself singing the theme song to Wonder Pets and Lazy Town on the way to work.

Lesson 10
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying ‘mommy’ repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each ‘mommy’; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required).
Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.
Right now, Colt loves to ride in the car and is usually quiet or talking in his cute little voice about something (we cannot translate everything yet). I know the time will come so we are enjoying our time now.

Lesson 11
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the ‘mommy’ tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.
This hasn’t happened to us yet, but I see our friends struggling to pay attention in a conversation where the child wants their undivided attention.